Wednesday November 1st, 2006
The weather here is cold. Last night was Halloween and it was 21 degrees. Its time for some snow!. I almost had my snowmobiles sold yesterday. The guy was all interested and then never showed up, ---never count your chickens before they hatch!. They are still for sale. I have also been having some strange dreams lately. They started when I was in Arizona and I still have one every once in a while. These dreams are of Lori letting go of my hand and telling me "its OK". The first time this happened I was pretty upset and confused. I think she is trying to give me a message but I'm not ready to move on. To me I feel like I have a fairly strong hold on a rope that is pulling so hard that I'm losing my grip and the rope is slipping away a little at a time, I don't want to let go! I have also been feeling that it is time to start watching our old video's and organizing them for kids. I'm at a point where I want to go back and repaint our wonderful life together. I know it will be hard and I'm sure I will be upset but I need to repaint some memories and I need to relight the images of Lori that I have in my head. I feel like I'm rambling on but this is where my head is at this week. As Ashton and I were working out today I realized that when we walk on the treadmill that we can see Lori's memorial on the SCC grounds out the window. Maybe this is why I feel so comfortable walking and reminiscing with Ashton for the 40 minutes or so that we work out together. It goes without saying that Lori is on our minds morning, noon and night. It's not fair!!!!!
Ashton is doing well in school. She has a 95% in math and her film class is clipping along. To date she has almost 8 hours in the gym with me so she is close to fulfilling her 14 hours for her credit there. This weekend she is headed to Montana State to spend the weekend with her friend Tenly Pring. She is going to a Grizz game on Saturday so this should be a fun trip for her. She is thinking she may want to go there next year or in 08 to finish up her teaching degree. He work is going great and she is staring to make some new friends here at school and at work. Lori would be proud of her, I know I am.
Tony finishes up his 06 football season tonight at 7. Its going to be cold (around 20 degrees) so it is going to be fun for them. Yesterday he told me he bench pressed 225 and power lifted 200 so he is getting stronger. He seems to be having a good time at school too. He is much happier in his math class but I still do not see any homework. His other classes seem to be working out so I think we are in check at the high school. Tony starts work tomorrow for a friend of mine who own the tire factory here in Spokane. Tony will be changing tires and getting dirty. Their busy season will really start when the first snow flies so Tony will be putting in some hours for the next 30 days so I imagine he will be grumpy too.
I finish up the Football stats tonight and it looks like basketball stats start in a few weeks. This keeps me really busy. Kevin and I are also preparing some certificates and memory books for the seniors and some of Tony and Ryan's friends. They are color printed with the season stats and pictures taken by Randy Cahalan. They are pretty impressive if I may say so. On Sunday I am headed off to Montana with Joe Mauro. He has sold the MetroGrilletin that he custom built last summer to a real estate developer in Polson Montana. We are going to stay Sunday night so we are going to make a road trip out of this and see some sights. Last night I played music for the Volleyball team who lost in 4 tough games. They play on Saturday for a state berth but they are going up against a team who has been steam rolling in the last few weeks. Lots to do but I still can't explain the emptiness I feel every morning I wake up and every night I go to sleep. I'm holding on to my rope as long as I can.
We love you Lori!